| Wrong Advice |
| To whoever said that dating an older man would be beneficial, you're wrong. Stephen is probably the biggest dumb fuck on this planet. Excuse my french but I am so ticked off right now. And over something so easy as are fricken finances. I mean how hard is this concept to comprehend: the beginning of the month, you pays bills. At the end of the month, you pay more bills. That's life. Bills first and you later. Stephen is pissed off because he doesn't have a check each month that's "clear" from anything and accuses me of not being able to budget money. I don't think he understands that having a family changes things. He's not single anymore living at his mom's house without having any bills to pay. You know what his problem is? He doesn't believe in gradually saving over time. He has no patience. He wants a lump sum of money, and he wants it right now. Bills in our house are paid with every bi-weekly paycheck. After all our bills are paid, we usually still have anywhere between $450.00-$700.00 of free money, which I think is pretty damn good. Oh no, not Stephen. He wants his whole check and would rather be a month behind on every bill we owe just so that he can have a lump sum in his bank account. Dumb, dumb, dumb! Doesn't he understand that $450.00 every two weeks is equivalent to $900.00 a month, $10,800 a year? Isn't that the same thing? It's the same thing, same concept, same payoff except we're up-to-date on all our bills and we don't have people from the credit card company banging our door down for a payment. I don't know. You know, sometimes I just want to leave this place and never come back. Kids and all. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and are very thankful to have them but every time I look at them, I feel anger towards Stephen. A piece of me feels as if he ruined my life. I'm just afraid that if I stick with him at the rate he's going now, I'm going to be in the same place he is. 35 years old with nothing, nothing to my name, no savings, no future, no education, no nothing. I just can't see myself like that. I only want to see myself succeed. I mean, it kills me not being able to go to school and some times I feel as if he holds me back on purpose. Why is it that every semester I plan to attend classes but we just happen to never have any money to cover the funds? It's just getting old. I'm getting old. And my kids are getting old. I want them to have things that I never had. I want them to have a nice life. I don't want to be a struggling mom who can barely afford to feed them, having no education whats so ever and having to settle for a minimum wage job. I can't do it. Its not me. But what can I do? I feel like a butterfly with clipped wings, a butterfly who sees the world through a glass jar but is never able to experience it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling or maybe I'm just over-reacting, or maybe its just a combination of my hormones and my sudden bad mood. Either way, I don't like this situation and I don't much like Stephen very much right now either. |
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i love you faith :)
i feelt he same ways about education and i want to be better, too.
have you thought about the reserves?
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posted by Faith at 
i love you faith :)
i feelt he same ways about education and i want to be better, too.
have you thought about the reserves?