| Ugh |
This is officially my new place to get away. I don't have to worry about too many people reading it nor do I have to hold back what I feel because of hurting someone's feelings. It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks. A roller coaster ride really, full of ups and downs. First off, I stopped hanging out with Eliza completely. You know, she just showed her true self that one afternoon with Danny and I just can't get to trusting her again. All this time I've felt like she was the only one I could turn to and in reality, she would take everything I told her and tell them to all the wrong people. She just ended up being shady. When I stopped hanging around her, I got lonely and started hanging out with my old childhood friend Tali. We've been friends since the first grade, lost each other in middle school, and somehow our paths crossed once again. She's a Jehovah's Witness and even though I was raised Catholic and feel as if I am more spiritual than religious, I still didn't mind her coming by and doing a bible study here and there. I just really enjoyed her company. I turned to the bible for a little bit and I guess it gave me a better outlook on things. I started to become more patient with the girls and more caring with Stephen. I wasn't constantly having to hear about Eliza complaining about finances so in turn, I was never stressed out about my own like I was in the past. It really seemed like things were getting better. And this past week, a total relapse.
Stephen makes me so miserable sometimes. We just clash with each other. I try my hardest to cook and clean and keep up with the house and take care of the girls but he always has something to bitch and complain about. Its just exhausting. What more could he possibly want? Tonight rather than feeding the girls dinner, bathing them, and putting them into bed while I was at the store, he had the urge to clean up the house because he thought it was a "complete dump." A complete dump because the floors weren't mopped. I think I'm going to go on a cleaning strike since he would rather clean the house than spend time with his children. But then again, he cleans what he wants to. He "cleaned" the mess in our closet but in reality, he just moved it from the closet to the garage. I just don't get it.
And I'm just so lonely. I think that its because Stephen works all the time but once his days off come around, I only wish that he would leave me alone. I get so depressed because I'm stuck in this house all the time. The girls are driving me nuts and Stephen only finds time for things that he wants to do. I'm an emotional wreck. Tonight I cried because Stephen bathed Romeo and didn't blow dry him so now his whole undercoat is matted. That poor dog. What do I do? Stephen doesn't even talk to me. Maybe I should just end it between the two of us and then what? I have no job, no money saved. I just don't know.
I miss my family but my mom is so...crazy. Why can't she just stop being so selfish? Remember how I was going to send the girls over for her to keep for a while? Well, I got their passports and everything ready and then one day, she calls and says that David doesn't want them to be there. Okay, fine. And then, she finds out that David is going to Iraq from September to February and wanted to keep them while he was away. Fine. I got her papers for her to be a legal guardian and then she throws a fit, saying that she wants custody of them and that she'd be keeping them for three years. Three years! What on earth are you going to do with them for three years? Her answer, "They'll be fine. I'll just put them in daycare..." There is no way that I am giving her custody of my children. I know this is awful to say but my mother would tell the courts that I was an irresponsible mother who willingly gave her kids away and I would never see them again. She didn't even raise her own kids. What makes her think she can raise mine? Of course, after I told her that, she said that she wasn't going to pay their ticket if she couldn't keep them. When I told her that we could pay for our own, she just flat out admitted that she didn't want us to be there. That woman is insane. As if seeing your grandkids for six months wasn't enough? |
|
|
|
|
|
posted by Faith at 
